Not dead, just very slow

I honestly don't know what happened but I'm just not very dA-active, or art-active either. Writing a journal seems to be very challenging too because I often don't have anything to write about except to whine about how I'm not active like now. But I guess I'm writing one now because I just wanted to let my watchers know that I'm not dead, just very slow... with all of my art. I do have a bunch of WIPs, but don't got the flame to go for it and finish them. I often feel like it's not good enough anyway and people are going to judge me. I know that's not the case and I know I should just do it anyway because I want to. I honestly do want to, but I just can't shake the feeling that people are watching over my shoulder. Like they expect good things from me since I've been drawing for quite a long time now that I should be much improved by now, yes? I can't tell if I've improved or not. Feels like I'm still where I am the last drawing I've done. Anyway, the point is that I don't feel free as I used to be, when I was young and blissful. I have a lot of "responsibility art" that I need to complete and I think that may be bogging me down significantly. Like, "I'm not allowed to draw whatever until the stuff that matters more is out of the way first." It creates a vicious cycle because that kind of art loses it fun factor fairly quickly, thus I'm just doing tedious art the whole way and end up not doing them, or it's not fun so what's the point if it doesn't satisfy my desire or the drawing. Now, perhaps I can find a way to make it fun... Maybe I should do more Livestream sessions again like before. It helps push me, but again, the over-the-shoulder thing. Yeah I know I shouldn't be afraid. No one can hurt me, physically at least. Truth be told, I'm terribly weak to criticism. Even if people don't say it, I still kinda feel it or imagine it's there. It's not just for art but whatever I do here. It paralyses me. There was a time when it didn't bothered me, which was when I was actually in the art groove. Anyway, don't know what else to say. Just venting I guess. And not giving up. ^^ _{Still thinking about that new group idea btw~}